I love emails…

I do…

They are an endless pot of fun for me and the ‘sea-front’ posse…

My fave is the one that surfaces at about this time every year: we call it the ‘mummy-mail’.

“…remember: in extended periods of sunny weather officers on walking beats require regular water. Don’t forget to make sure you drink at least 500ml every hour. Try to put on a high factor sun-cream if your skin is susceptible to burning…”

I love it… 😉 it’s even funnier because officers are ‘discouraged’ from wearing sunglasses! They are also ‘discouraged’ from carrying water around in their hands and being seen drinking is…unprofessional… although fainting through dehydration is not, I guess…

So…just to recap… they don’t like the idea of us being burnt or dehydrated…but squinting an UV eye damage is ok…

Sunglasses, especially dark ones (although light ones are not much use when you think about it…) make us look ‘unapproachable…’ and ‘uncaring’…


Nevada has a lot of ‘unapproachable…’ and ‘uncaring’…coppers… how do they cope in Italy? Morocco? Aus/Zealand?

It’s just a classic UK ‘parachutes are bad for morale…’ SMT messed up thinking…


17 responses to “I love emails…

  1. 10 miserable years to go

    The reason that the emails don’t make sense is because the twat that sends out those emails and gives the advice doesn’t venture out if his/her office and has no concept of day to day police work. Same with every farce including mine.

  2. 10 miserable years to go

    OG and that ^^^ deffo looked like a 1st to me!!!

  3. Your anonymity is starting to unravel, the sunglasses were the final clue. http://tinyurl.com/ckog8rk

  4. If they really gave a monkeys they’d provide water and a summer uniform and shades and sun block (oh and a taser and gun but I digress!). However, they don’t and we can frankly all die for all they care, as long as they have the NCALT “how to avoid dehydration” or some such nonsense equivalent to cover their backsides.

  5. As an aside if you drank 500ml on the hour each hour you would spend half the shift either gasping for, or actually taking part in, a pee.

  6. my farce used to provide water coolers- for all, including response.
    Now only in HQ.
    That air conditioning and shades on windows, gives you such a thirst.

  7. scarletpimple

    I never realised just how difficult it is for the modern officer having to contend with the heat in summer and the cold in winter.
    Our ( fifties and sixties) experiences pale in comparison.
    For example try wearing thick serge uniforms with hook and eye collars, no lightweight tunics, shirtsleeves. No belted trousers, the high waisted type we had were kept up by bloody braces.
    In winter, driving a Wolseley 6/80 with no heater, we used to take blankets out of the cells to wrap round our legs and drive in British Warm top coats.
    You lot are a load of ‘Pussies’.
    Retires to trench, dons protective headgear, and awaits incoming fire!


  8. Hi SP,

    You are right to a very large extent but synthetic black uniform with body armour, equipment belt and crazy SMT sometimes insisting on yellow jackets over this etc comes close and I have worn heavy tunic and trousers and the modern variant.

    • scarletpimple

      Hey retgorseg, keeping well?
      What really topped everything was the heavy melton cloth trousers we were supposed to wear night duty and also with number one tunics (in the Met).
      The damned things were so heavy and stiff that you could stand them upright ( well almost). If you got them wet or perspired a lot, the dye would come out of them and stain your legs blue. The lightweight trousers and tunics issued at the end of my service late sixties / early seventies were
      fine and resembles those worn by Inspectors and above.


  9. SP,

    If we could have some leaders back instead of managers and a bit of Judges’ Rules common sense I’d happily wear your 50s togs all year round.
    I must admit my tunic was the “modern” type where (braces not required). It was still a high crucifixion offence to have your staff strap protruding even slightly from one’s pocket., however.
    I dare say you were happier in those heavy woollen days.

    • Add to that a mind set that we were the good guys, the heroes, the ones you breathed a sigh of relief when they turned up…the ones that kept society safe from those that would take from it…trusted..

      Now my warrant card can’t even be used as proof of ID to get a bank account…

  10. The ‘acrylic machine washable trousers which clung to your nether regions and gave you a rash which made your wife scream in horror but saved the force a small fortune’ hasn’t been mentioned up to now. Perhaps they have changed them for the (summer) cotton trousers called for for ages and for which we bought privately? As far as the shades were concerned, we just used our ‘computer compatable’ specs with clear glass but treated so they had reactolite lenses which became sunglasses when exposed to sunlight. Use the system against the system if it makes your life a little easier to bear.
    P lodnomore

  11. I’m sure Shij will post something on this.

    I wonder what tack the BBC would be taking with the police involvement has similar events to those in Cleveland, OH, happened here.

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