This news just in … Shock as crime figures are false!

In shock news earlier ago, crimes data figures are ‘made up…’  to make senior management and politicians ‘look good’…

“we are told to change stuff like: two men stop another in a car and kick the bejesus out of him and nick his wheels as assault and unauthorised take motor vehicle  ‘ cos we don’t want any robberies… The DCI don’t like robberies… Assaults and theft isn’t robbery…”,  said PC Fucdust from big town police…


Love it…  Gone quiet on this  though eh BBC? A call from no 10 was it?


36 responses to “This news just in … Shock as crime figures are false!

  1. What annoys me about this (apart from the fact that the very accusation is from the biggest fiddlers of figures, the government) is that yet again it has been put out to/by the media that all cops are at it. We all know it goes on, based on decisions made several ranks above us mere mortals but as always there is not a squeak from the Fed to defend the bobbies who crime things properly, under the ever watchful eyes of the compliance fairies.

  2. The fed cannot be expected to multitask.
    They’re still contemplating their role/job/future and theres only so many hours in the day between 9-5 between gourmet meals and poimtless seminars for the chosen few………..know your place, you pleb.

  3. All that time following IG and I never got a FIRST.
    But today at 8.29am I did one better by posting a comment about Crime Stats before Shijuro posted the thread.
    Does this mean I am clairvoyent ?

  4. Oi!

    I act on behalf of SP and I can tell you that in Narfolk where he is known to wander, just about any smelling in acceptoble.

  5. Oh and I forgot you aint learned like wot I am.

  6. Shlomo, officer material if ever there was.
    There’s a nice desk just waiting.

  7. Sorry Doctor , my only excuse is that I spent all my formative years being chased in and out of air raid shelters and even being buried alone in one for seven hours, all courtesy of Adolf and Herman, it left little time for lessons. It’s no excuse of course but all I know is self taught I’m afraid, and I was possibly a better thief taker than I was a scholar. I’ts fortunate therefore that we have clever people such as yourself out there managing us poor ignorant fools who make up the ‘cannon fodder’ and are expendable.
    I sit in awe at your feet and marvel at your erudition.

  8. Good old Lord Stevens and not before time. Memories of Edmund Davies though, Labour already supporting it.

  9. I see now Labour are getting in on the act and getting a Lordy to ‘review’ policing.
    When politics exits policing, we employ leaders who push common sense and discretion and STOP giving knighthoods to the funny hand shakers from ACpoo we might be steering this boat in a more favourable direction.
    This is one of the few countries where we still apparently police with the consent of the public………. All these Muppets with their policies/think tanks/blue sky thinking have done is try to make a square peg fit a round hole.
    We now have a generation of young constables who see discretion as an easy option and decision making/investigation as something that happens after they arrest (BY SOMEONE ELSE) on the strength of an allegation.

    It really has become common practice to arrest first and ask questions later.

    did I mention thejobsfucked. πŸ™‚

  10. Off topic but sat listening to the policing minister, he clearly has no idea what her talking about. Says PCC are well known and valued, thinks he has cut paperwork and targets scrapped. Either he is lying or an idiot

  11. Last?


    • Nah !
      You’re not alone yet, I’m still rattling around in the bottom of this empty bucket, my voice echoing and slowly fading. It seems Shi has finally given in to the pressures of homework prep’s and after school cheese and wine evenings. Could it be he has cast aside all memories of his old life and left us to sink slowly into oblivion? Are we to be left finally with the staccato rattle of IG’s Tweets being fired off like so many shots where previously we had a posted subject to get our teeth into and discuss at length.
      I’m afraid I cannot get into ‘Twatting’ , it’s a bit like knocking on a door and running away, you know, we used to call it Kock Down Ginger when I was seven or so., alrigfht for the playground but not very challenging for grown ups..
      I find now I would even welcome Lance’s meanderings , but even his kick starts fail to get this engine firing.
      Hey Ho.

      • Before the Doctor comments on my keyboard and spelling skills, I excuse the errors, the old arthritis has reached my hands and it’s like typing using yesterdays soggy chips rather than fingers, it will be your turn soon enough.

  12. Toby Rowland, the police officer at the centre of the Plebgate row, is to sue the Tory MP and former cabinet minister Andrew Mitchell for libel.

    • I hope the Fed is funding this action.About time they took a stand.

      • good luck to him.
        Could’nt have been a easy decision to make, knowing the S%itsorm this action will cause. Hope some of our leadership step forward and protect him from the media feeding frenzy heading his way.

        On the balance of probabilities , this pleb might just have his cake and eat it

      • I do hope so (gets popcorn). Betting on a deaf, blind and stupid jury or Fed subscriptions rocketing?

    police colleague shot.
    I wish them a speedy recovery.

    would have noticed earlier, but story somewhat buried and not as important as some story bout a big buttoned future jungle contestant and part time cook snorting gear.
    if you cant stand the heat…………….

    • My thoughts too are with the officer shot. As you say there’s not much said in the press, they are too engaged with the lives of rich wasters and dim TV contestants.
      Regarding Toby Rowland’s legal action, what price on it all being settled out of court, if not it will be a very messy business and wherever the truth lies, the Police in the end will be left with an even more damaged reputation, because all the knockers will be lined up waiting their turn to stick the boot in.
      The Police I knew is now taken apart and lies in pieces, which is where the politicians wants it to be. Now the experts will gather around and put it together again but not as it was. It will now be reactive not proactive and the constable will no longer have any discretion or individual choice to deal with the public. It is the day of the PCSO and the amateur managers.
      Meanwhile that well known ‘newspaper’ has page after page of crap about a rich peoples domestic fight, even describing how the lady dresses, does her hair and what makeup she favours. It truly is a Mad, Mad, Mad world!

  14. It’s very quiet in here………….

    • Know what you mean re Lance. Yesterday I found myself actually wondering what the dreaded F==== was doing with herself these days.
      At least when they were in full flow in their hey-day, there was the cut and thrust.
      IG had his reasons for allowing her to post, I sometimes thought that it was all part of the plan to keep us in production, you know, if she had not been there as the irritant, he would have invented her anyway.
      Oh well! back to the chickens…………………….

  15. Quiet indeed … looks like its just us and these chickens!

    Even Lance would be… ..nah, he wouldn’t!

    Twitter just doesn’t hit the spot, does it?


  16. Is this the end of blogging as we know it?

  17. Should someone put out a MISPER on Shijuro?
    Or has he absconded with the pretty maths teacher from the next classroom and is as we speak, hiding out on the Isle of Wight in a B and B.

  18. OT but has anyone heard the outcome of PC ?Patrick James? discipline board? – him of the Met and a blog they took exception to?

  19. sp your not alone…………….

    G4S and Serco lose tagging contracts

    Thought for a second… last common sense, maybe the penny has finally dropped and that public safety and protection should come before profit and penny pinching.
    Then I read that the contracts gone to CAPITA.
    omfg I just give up, if their payroll and language services are anything to go by, I give it 6 months………….when 1000’s of employees choose redundancy rather than working for a company, surely, somethings not right.
    Saved for the lions mouth, only to be thrown to the wolves at the door

    Still with 11% payrise, I’m sure they’ll be plenty more shares purchased in this private gravytrain.

    did I mentionthejobsfucked:-)

  20. Well, ‘a nod’s as good as a wink to a blind horse’, so we must now assume that Shijuro has moved on, for whatever reasons. I shall keep a ‘listening watch’ meanwhile, who knows someone may take up the tattered flag, I would but for my lack of IT knowledge and advancing years.
    Take care.

  21. To SP, BE and anyone else still haunting here, missing Shij and resisting Twitter – all the very best for tomorrow.
    Let’s hope someone picks up the blogger’s mantle soon.
    I found an appropriate comment on another site – ” I don’t use Twitter, I just wander around shouting random irrelevant remarks! I’ve already got three followers! (But I suspect at least one of them’s the police”

    SP – I suspect you may be the very chap to save us, notwithstanding your protestations…?

    Have a good Christmas.

  22. Nice one Cor. You could well be right there. Merry Christmas to you and yours and to all the rest of the crowd too! Special Wishes to SP.

    • Thanks for the thought, but I would not be your man, I served during the fifties and sixties so any blog that I produced would therefore be just the meanderings of an old fart. It really needs someone who is in touch with todays policing, and I’m afraid likely candidates are subject to the pressures of the ‘ Rubber Heelers’. Brief Encounter gave it some thought but he has constraints placed on him due to his present profession, so he and I both must bow out. To those that are left, I hope you have a prosperous year to come. I enjoyed your company and will miss the banter.

      • One Time Special


        I hope your Christmas will be peaceful and enjoyable and that it is not being enlivened by floods and lack of electric light etc

        Good Luck and Good Health to you for 2014

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