WORD EXCLUSIVE!!! the Shijuro guide to not being locked up in Peru…

1. When charming rich looking ‘bad-boys’ -you have only met 24-hours ago- invite you to go on holiday to a country that has a massive drug import/export problem say no…


When you are on holiday in a country that has a massive drug import/export problem with your ‘bad-boy’ boyf and he asks you to take:

  • a package
  • a large hollow sounding statue
  • a teddy bear to his sick niece
  • a parcel for his dying mum

Say… ‘no…’ and walk away at the nearest opportunity…


When you are a scutty, work-shy, benefit class moron, try not to do anything really… especially stuff that involves thinking…

(oh and finally… if you are trying the old ‘they made me do it-I was so scared’ defence… make sure you are not caught on CCTV out smiling and shopping…alone…oh and when you have your picture taken with Police officers…mention you’ve been kidnapped at gunpoint… they may be able to help…)

lol…15 years awaits…lucky it wasn’t some other countries…they would be facing the death penalty…


40 responses to “WORD EXCLUSIVE!!! the Shijuro guide to not being locked up in Peru…

  1. Scutty? Should that be “slutty” or “scatty”? Both are applicable methinks.

  2. Brief Encounter

    Oi! Don’t argue with teacher if Sir says it is Scutty then Scutty it is.

  3. I can confirm that “Scutty” is the correct abbreviation of Scabby Slut.

    You’re welcome 🙂

  4. well on a positive note, by the time they get out they will be fluent in Spanish, especially lots of rude words
    anything that dont kill you will make you stronger
    and then of course the newspaper articles in the sun and the book and magazines my holiday hell
    oh and they wont be paying any tax or NI or claiming the dole for a while
    let me think any downside
    er ?? no

  5. And don’t let’s forget about poor old Wiki-leaks source Pte Bradley “I would like to be treated as a woman” Manning.

    Personally, I’d be choosing my words a bit more carefully if I was facing 35 years in an American penitentiary…

  6. On the subject of Bradley – I think this announcement is more than ample evidence that the guy has ‘a few slates missing’…

    Who, in their right mind, would choose the moment they are about to be incarcerated with thousands of frustrated predatory rapists, murderers and psychos to announce that they now ‘wish to be female???’

    I think that young Mr. Manning would be well advised to invest in a ‘soap on a rope’ but even with that precaution he will, in the imortal words of Warden Samuel Norton, from the Shawshank Redemption “think he’s been ‘*&%@#d by a train” by the time he gets out of there.

    Whether he was morally right or wrong to make his disclosures to Wikileaks he is evidently a little naive.

    • “Who, in their right mind, would choose the moment they are about to be incarcerated with thousands of frustrated predatory rapists, murderers and psychos to announce that they now ‘wish to be female???’”

      Someone who really REALLY wants a good time?

  7. or maybe that should read ‘immortal’…

  8. You think the Land Of The Free will put a person who regards themselves as a woman, in a male prison? Yeah, for sure.

    This is a great tactic on his part, surely? Massive problem for his gaolers for the next 35 years… a stroke of genius. (I’m guessing not ‘hers’ personally, but on someone’s part!

    • Way to guarantee himself 35 years of solitary.

      which as he has “Instant victim” written all over him is probably a good thing.

    • Brief Encounter

      Cor! Do you by any chance have a relative who served in Korea? It’s just that Col Potter in Mash often tells Radar to get on to I. Cor. I thought that maybe Iain Cor?

  9. Brief Encounter

    We should not accept that conditions in prisons might be inhuman without questioning it. Of course they may not be, after all what is the evidence apart from some films? Either way the lawful punishment is loss of liberty not state sanctioned physical abuse.

  10. Brief Encounter

    Those of you who have seen the delightful film, Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, will remember that one guest had gone to India on the NHS to get her hip done. Now it seems that the NHS is actually adopting the policy. How long before we start out sourcing prison accomodation by sending serving prisoners to India to seve their sentences.

  11. Brief Encounter

    Serve even….

    • BE , now that is an extremely well thought out idea. In fact the more I look at it the more I am surprised that some Fast Tracked young Inspector with a BA degree in basket weaving or a PHD in The Mating Habits of Dormice hasn’t already submitted a paper on this to The College of Policing.

  12. Brief Encounter

    Changing subject slightly, in part of the US you can now bequeath your body to a forensic research station. Rather like Beethoven you just chill out and decompose whilst scientists monitor you as you rot. I’m tempted.

  13. No doubt will be found guily, then at great public expense, a campaign by “the sun” and intervention by honourable members they wil be put in pokey in uk for a few months, time served susbended etc and with book deaks and a feature spread in HELLO.
    I await the movie.
    Who says crime doesn’t pay. 🙂

    • Brief Encounter

      We are all living off the proceeds of crime even if not directly.

      • We are all living off the proceeds of crime…..

        BE. I hope your not suggesting im stealing a living 🙂

        • Brief Encounter

          Of course not but since your only role is to prevent crime and mine to prosecute or defend, we are somewhat dependent on it.

          • got the point, but couldn’t resist .
            God bless the average scroat who keeps me gainfully employed.
            Long may they keep thinking i’m clocking on/off and disinterested.
            ………….and long may they keep telling the likes of yourself that they were just out for a breath of fresh air at 3am and were just hiding in the bushes from the gang of ninjas out to do them harm and that the bag of booty found nearby has nothing to do with them.

            • Brief Encounter

              Well no doubt everything will have been text book as far as forensics etc is concerned.

  14. Sorry about that, but I keep losing connection to password.

  15. That’s better. It’s probably all due to senile decay, and BE’s pun on Beethoven decomposing. I shall now resume a watching brief !

  16. They will be repatriated back here to serve their sentence. Cheaper for Peru. As for Manning…check the stats for HIV/Hep in US prisons

  17. bradely manning looks as if he aint got long to live !

  18. Has everyone taken time off?

  19. Brief Encounter

    Yeah it’s slowing up pimps. I reckon that when Shij gets a proper job he won’t have time to maintain the blog so he is easing us down gradually.

  20. Brief Encounter

    If you look at your blogging covenant you will see that holidays are not mentioned. Teaching however is a profession with more holidays than work or so it would seem. Anyway welcome back to blighty.

    • Never left…
      lol the ol’ ‘teachers are off half the year…’ blag…

      I expected more…somehow…

      resisting …

      what do you call 10,000-lawyers at the bottom of the ocean with concrete blocks around their necks?

      …a reasonable start….

      arghhhh I bit…

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