Pet hates…

Chavs that day “here’s a policeman…he will take you away…“


People that think we use the blues and twos to get back for lunch…



61 responses to “Pet hates…

  1. Mine is people hitting the button to stop the traffic at a pedestrian crossing, who THEN actually bother to look to see if there’s time enough for them to cross – which there is – so away they go. 20 seconds later the lights go to red, forcing traffic to stop for absolutely no reason, while the ped is already half-way down the road.

    That, and people who stand there jabbing at the button over and over and over again until the light goes to red. Because apparently, if you keep pressing the button, maybe it makes the little man inside the machine realise that you’re REALLY in a hurry to get across, and he flicks the light to red sooner for you.

    Both should be at least FPN-able.

  2. Mine……Happy, smiling, CID/ Other ‘Specialist’ squads bouncing into custody with their bi-monthly arrest…Nicely handcuffed and properly locked off having travelled up to 30 miles from the point of arrest.
    Then, on arrival, asking me for the loan of a ……handcuff key to release their….. DP.
    Often, not a key between them.
    My mantra … Where are your keys? What if you had an RTC en-route? What if you had to re route to A&E?
    Then we get to the arrest reasons…No…. I won’t go there. Except to say for Gods sake at least know why you have brought a DP to Custody… ‘He was circulated’…. will not do!
    Not all ,but some are and will always be like this.
    Strangely there is rarely an issue with response Constables who may often have 2 or 3 DP’s per shift…..
    Practice makes perfect.
    Rant ends.

  3. anyone who tells me Im wasting taxpayers money ,as I am lumbered sorting out their sh*t after they find themselves arrested for not knowing in their drink/drug fuelled state when toshuthefu*ckup and walk away.
    and yes you are proper criminal.

    or being told,the necessity for arrest is my sgt/insp/supt told me to.

  4. southern bobby

    CID calling up for a van to transport their prisoner and expecting uniform to drop what they are doing to help them instead of having the forethought of taking one with them

  5. Slightly Tarnished

    CID calling asking for a response patrol to go out and arrest one of their scrotes. Do these knobs stop being warranted officers when they go from being a PC to a DC?

    Oh, and while I remember…the way to get a witness statement is get off your arse and go take it yourself, not put a fucking CAD log on the screen for response to do it for you. Lazy twats!

    • Response locking up prisoners to hand over to CID with no arrest statements, clothing not seized or bagged properly, scenes cross contaminated, no section 18/32 searches, no requests for incommunicado on jobs that would need it. Do these knobs not realise that you are supposed to he investigators in and out of uniform?

      For the record not all response are like that but many are. Same as not all of CID are lazy twats.

      I’ve been response (for many years not 2 minutes), on what people prefer to as specialist units, CID and then more uniform.
      All departments have strengths weaknesses and fair share of lazy, useless gits.

      • Slightly Tarnished

        Yeah, that was a bit ranty. It’s been that kind of day & our nick’s CID are notorious force-wide for being particularly bad when it comes to leaving the ranch for any reason.

        And I can think of two lazy twunts on my response shift as I type this.

        • I was only having a light hearted dig. There’s good and bad in all areas. Ever since I joined there has always been a division between CID and uniform but I always enjoyed the banter. Having worked both roles I can see arguments from both sides.
          Response is, has always been and always will be the most important role because more or less every incident stems from a uniformed response.

          • Agree – Good mix of jolly banter here, but with the kernel of truth in every bite.

            • Can’t deny that I had a little bite but it’s all good fun

            • Lol… I walked into a crew room with my female partner… a cid ‘gent’ said to her “put the kettle on babe”…she smiled sweetly…”fuck off Fred…do your own tea…” rising in rage bordering on heart attack… he turned to the ds and said “did you hear that?” …the ds didn’t look up …”i certainly did…two sugars in mine Fred…”

          • Brief Encounter

            Is that like having a hoe?

  6. Inspectors/CIs who don’t want to risk a grievance by picking up a PC on something, so go and get a PS to do it for them.

  7. Swanseajock (Rtd.)

    Even with my legendary patience I used to react when the fateful statement “I pay your wages” was uttered. Bad enough when a working person said it (I am sure that I paid tax when I was in the job??) but even worse when the scum whose booze, Sky and drugs I was paying through their benefits took umbrage to being told “no”

  8. Furor Teutonicus

    “Promoted to CID”.


  9. Brief Encounter

    I agree.

    Scrap the CID as a separate set of titles, all police officers are detectives although some do a course and get to have detective inserted in front of their rank. It is divisive and out dated.

    • I agree that every officer is (or should be) a keen and competent investigator. When I joined it was alsways drummed into me to have an investigative mindset. These days I see officers on shift who have no idea how to carry out a basic investigation. Unless all the evidence is available in front of them then they believe there is no chance of getting a case home and this really p1$$es me off. I blame the type of person being recruited and the quality/experience of some tutors.

      If you disagree with CID would you suggest putting all qualified detectives back in uniform and attached to shifts?

    • Furor Teutonicus

      Must admit, that comment normally comes from the MOPs. Trouble is CID tend to believe it.

  10. scarletpimple

    Being called ‘Mate’ by someone with three days stubble, unpressed trousers, unpolished boots, a sagging belt and resembling a lellow covered sack of potatoes. Who is chewing gum and scratching his crotch whilst attempting to convince me he is a professional.
    Sorry about that, but old habits die hard and I started wearing a uniform aged seventeen and think appearance is important.

    • scarletpimple

      ….That’s ‘ Yellow’


      • The current mode of dress does not readily lend itsself to smartness..But neither did Battle Dress….you had to work at it.

    • Lol… or deal with a response officer being visibly angry and annoyed because someone dared to point out they missed vital evidence …isn’t too funny either…

    • I’m not as old as you but was “brought up” the same way. PTC was still kind-of militaristic esp uniform standards. An old skipper once said to me “You look the part. That’s half the battle”. It doesn’t take long to look decent each day does it? I know it’s not the brigade of guards but guys look at yourselves!

      • Furor Teutonicus

        PTC aye. But during Proby times, our inspector was ex RAF police, and BOY, you turn up on parade with a crease in the wrong direction, you were making coffee for the control room the whole shift!

        • Brief Encounter

          Did he also ban chocolates on parade?

          • Furor Teutonicus

            He banned virtually everything on parade.

            I ask myself if he would survive a mobile telephone, that someone had “forgotten” to switch off.*

            Probably a telegraph post and 12 armed men, one with a blank, at dawn.

            * We did not have such things then. “Mobile phones” were called “Claymore”, and comupters were lucky if they started up within the same shift.

            How time/technology flies!

          • Brief Encounter

            But did he actually say, ” Chocs away”.

  11. Pet hates at my station-
    Officers with 5 minutes in the job driving like lunatics to rubbish calls (without being reined in by the section Sergeant)
    The previous driver of the vehicle leaving all his rubbish in it
    The previous driver not knowing where the petrol station is before handing the car over
    Specials-badly trained and taking our overtime but being fawned over by the SMT as if they are the answer to our shortages,
    Lots more but don’t want to rant…………

    • Furor Teutonicus

      XX (without being reined in by the section Sergeant)XX

      So. Is the problem the Noobe, or the Sergeants?

      No bloody DICIPLINE nowdays! Might “hurt their “feelings””

      • Bit of both FT.Sergeants are too scared to tell the PC’s off generally and the PC’s are keen to drive stupidly.It will all end in tears.
        (Cut and paste this one Rehill you cock).

        • Furor Teutonicus

          NOW they are.

          But I was trained by N.C.Os, that had “gained their stripes” at the hands of ex WWII/Korea vetrans….(YES! We had a few Australian seargeants as well! “Why are you here? What is your need to know?”)

          Shit sticks. 🙂

        • I’m scared of your wrath Rehill,I might get killed at the G8.

  12. Brief Encounter

    FT try using these for a change “” rathe than XX.

  13. As a Traffic Cop I just hate everybody…………!

  14. 1.anyone who uses ‘we’ when selling you some sh*t idea/shift/initiative knowing perfectly well they will be unaffected/in bed/off when it all goes to pot

    2. Anyone who tweets for the job.
    3 anyone carrying a folder/portfolio and having lunch at exactly 1pm in the only canteen in the force.

    • Senior officers using…. “Moving Feast” When talking about cuts that they know will not affect them, but only the front line, but they dont know exactly how!! But the public will not see the difference.
      After several mis-applications of the phrase ”Moveable/Moving/Moblie Feast”, it became a bit of a strain on my Asperger’s so I felt obliged to ask was he talking about Easter?
      He didn’t know what I meant.

      So we had a Coffee Break.

      • Furor Teutonicus

        “Moving feast”….?

        Pumpkin on a carraige? Hello Cinderella!

        Or was that “Holloween”?

  15. Brief Encounter

    They are likely to be looking elsewhere for their next feast as one imagines that there are going to be some reductions in the number of managers.

  16. shaftedbluepleb

    Magistrates who hear that a $hitbag breached his bail that they imposed, then rebail him with exactly the same conditions…

  17. Brief Encounter

    YeapI understand how you feel

  18. 10 miserable years to go

    Grouchy custody slippers that give the probbies a hard time when booking in. They seem to forget that they were new once and on the other side of the ramp. Especially when they belittle officers in front of the slags. When I was a street duties tutor and one particularly rude custody ps was giving one of my pupils a hard time in front of a slag I actually said to him “who the fvck do you think you’re talking to, if youve got a problem with my officer I suggest we take this outside” cue a very embarrassed looking custody officer who was very polite to my boys thereafter.

    • Slippers…lol slackers with slippers…

    • XX Especially when they belittle officers in front of the slags.XX

      !!??!! NEVER!!!
      Give “whsipered advice” then take him to the car park, and “have a word” but in front of the slag! (Met term?)

      I do not know if this was a “whole Britain” thing, but when transporting prisoners to custody, (Risley or Walton) it was always “One body from XYZ sir!” “Thank you sir, have you got his property….” etc.

      ALWAYS “sir” from both sides, and the heavens help any one who was caught doing it any differently when the …. (na what are they called?? the equivalent of an H.M.P Seargeant major) was there!

  19. How about a new game
    which affair is soo toxic as to topple Cameron?

    My monies on Brookes/coulson.
    But would start believing in a divine being if it was a three way swing with Imelda, Pickles and Gove. 🙂

    would bring a whole new meaning to ‘we’re all in it together’

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