Copy of a letter sent to the Chief…

“Dear Chief,

My son is very worried at the moment… he can’t sleep worrying about the new idea from your staff officers about how to help the big town’s staffing problems.

As you know, my brave boy works in the Diversity and Community Cohesion department at the Head Quarters place thingy.

He does the very important job of looking at the incidents and ‘phone calls our your force receives and, should it be an incident involving a minority group or a community priority he makes little notes on how to increase the client’s satisfaction with police led partnership involvement-then sends them to the officer’s inspector that makes sure it’s done. He also tells the DPS if they don’t.

He thinks that during his tour of duty (mon-fri 8×4… 8×3 friday) he does a brilliant job. He has been able to study for his stripes (I think that’s right) and get really fit by using the HQ gym and cycling to work. His lovely wife and kids see a lot of him and they get to have dinner together a lot. He also gets to see them at the local school do their performances and parents evenings. This is very good for the family unit.

He certainly doesn’t want to go back to 3-shifts again-walking around and actually dealing with the community personally…

That will make him sad. He won’t be as fit; he won’t see his kids as much (they will probably start using crack and his wife will have an affair with her Zumba teacher.

Anyway, for the sake of his kids, wife, fitness and the training he received to do this important job (at the Community Project workshop in Dorset-lovely couple of weeks weather too, apparently) please keep him in his nice job during these reorganisations.


my mum



3 responses to “Copy of a letter sent to the Chief…

  1. I’m sorry this is too close to the truth to be funny. I know dozens of police officers that this would cover………unfortunately………

  2. its frighteningly real, private industry has just the same sort of weird postions people paid vast amounts talking a strange language that gets copid and re used like a mantra and the capacity to produce volumes of useless information ( oh and a good pension scheme and flash car)
    I usually find the shorter the job title the more intelligent and useful a person is
    refuse disposal operative are you then ?
    nah Feck of mate i am a dustman !!

  3. Sad to say… but I think that this is an accurate portrayal of some within the ranks and the reason why Winsor was unleashed upon us… Having said that the reason that some people are in such roles is because the Government requires these stats to be produced in the first place – creating a whole empire of pencil pushers.

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