Mmm…model citizen…

Guilty plea: Labour MP Eric Joyce arrives at Westminster Magistrates Court yesterday

Sober as err…an MP…

A Labour MP who head-butted fellow politicians in a House of Commons bar brawl was spared jail yesterday.

Eric Joyce, 51, threw punches and ‘nutted’ two Conservatives after a late-night drinking session, snarling: ‘There are too many ******* Tories in here.’

Witnesses said the glazed eyes of the former Army major, who had to be restrained by eight police officers, made it ‘look like nobody was home’.

As the officers dragged him to the cells, Joyce yelled: ‘You can’t touch me, I am an MP.’

Details of the extraordinary incident were revealed for the first time yesterday, as the Falkirk MP admitted carrying out the assault at Westminster Magistrates Court.

Joyce, who had drunk a bottle of red wine, stood to warn Tory MP Alec Shelbrooke: ‘Don’t ever look at my guests in that way again’.

When another Conservative MP, Andrew Percy, asked him to sit down, Joyce shoved him up against the wall, shouting: ‘This bar is full of ******* Tories.’

When Mr Shelbrooke said: ‘You can’t treat an MP like that in a place like this,’ Joyce swung for the Tory, who ducked the blow. Joyce then punched Conservative councillor Luke Mackenzie, splitting his lip, before head-butting another, Ben Maney.

Labour whip Phillip Wilson then put a hand on Joyce’s shoulder and said: ‘Calm down Eric – what’s going on?’ Joyce responded by punching him in the face.

Police arrived to find Joyce smelling ‘strongly of alcohol’ with ‘glazed’ eyes. He continued his assault as the officers tried to restrain him, swearing at them before head-butting Tory MP Stuart Andrew, giving him a bloody nose and concussion.

Joyce, described as drunker than one witness ‘had ever seen anyone’, furiously kicked at doors as he was dragged away by police, breaking a glass pane as he continued to abuse officers.

The MP even managed to snatch a constable’s notebook and scrawl: ‘We are a Tory nation, that cannot be forever …good cops unite…It’s surely …to hate the Tories.’

He claimed at Belgravia police station that someone else had started the fight, telling officers: ‘I think he was a silly fat Tory MP.

The court heard that the MP, who recently split from his headmistress wife Rosemary, had a previous conviction for refusing to give police a urine sample when he was stopped in his car in 2010.


If you or I  had done a similar thing, not only would we be sacked IMMEDIATELY, we would be sent to prison.

I have seen officers sacked for less-like refusing to provide for example…

Eight officers?

They should have tasered him.

Funny how MPs call us when a drunk kicks off…

I bet our salaries didn’t look too much then eh?

It would have been SOOO sweet to turn up to this and say to the tories “err…can’t your security staff deal?”

We don’t though…we are too professional…

Unlike some…


4 responses to “Mmm…model citizen…

  1. I was suprised that he was only charged with four counts of common assault, given the fact that he headbutted one victim, the intent alone should surely have prompted a more serious charge, but the good old CPS long ago gave up actually applying the law by its strict interpretation alone.

    He also gained the maximum benefit from an early guilty plea.

    It is fairly clear that Joyce has a drink/anger management problem, which he alluded to outside court. He has, reportedly, also been ‘dipping his wick’ into a 17 year old … dirty lucky sod, some might say. A man with many demons I feel.

    Joyce is taking advantage of the system, to stay as an MP and milk the job for every penny he can before he retires at the next General Election – he is a dead duck from then and, given his extraordinaly high expenses claims – Joyce was the first MP, reportedly, to claim more than £1 million cumulatively in expenses – it would be suprising indeed if he chose to do the honourable thing now, in the aftermath of this incident. He cannot be booted out, unfortunately, and I imagine he has a sufficiently thick skin to ‘make hay while the sun shines’ and tough it out, while keeping his snout firmly in the trough… What a diamond, the people of Falkirk have in their MP…

    I wondered, however, that, if it is actually true and the people of Scotland do indeed spend a great deal of their evenings engaged as Joyce was engaged on that fateful night, then perhaps his reputation amongst them…”gae on son, stick the heid in, youse a braw wee fighter so y’are” might strike a chord, come election time and consequently, we may not have heard the last of Eric Joyce, ‘Honorable’ “Member” for Falkirk West.

  2. “Taser an MP”

    Now, now form an orderly queue!

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